Anyone know a good place to get a new canoe? (Not Dick’s, don’t ask.) Me and my old workout partner Scott took a guy’s weekend (no Linda, thank Jesus) to Minnesota for the ’10 Big Canoe Blowout Regatta on the Minnetonka (famous Indian) River.
LSS (long story short), my canoe got its underside torn out by some sharp boulders hiding beneath an overpass that said “no canoes.” I figured that meant “no girl-baby canoes” and that Scott and I could make it easy since we work so well as a team (like the Hart Foundation, two-time WWF tag team champs). But my canoe went all BJ on me and crapped the bed.
Anywho, if you know someone who’s selling their canoe and would be willing to barter in return for pinball machine parts/maintenance, give me a holler. Just no kayaks. Get real.
Craig
Socks
I found a bag of socks under the sink in the men's shitter this morning. Sent out an email - but if nobody claims them soon they're mine. I have a lot of dusting to do at my place and socks are the best for dusting.
Craig
Craig
I need a new Scott.
Anybody looking for a workout/sparring partner? As you may remember, I lost my old one when Scott’s girlfriend Linda faked a pregnancy (probably) to trick him into moving to Stevens Pointe.
What blows nards is, one: I was going to max out on lunges this week and Scott is a kick ass spotter, and two: Linda is pretty much a lady Hitler (total anti-semite).
Anywho, if you want to get wicked cut, give me a holler. My workouts are way intense and I get tons of FPA (Free PowerAde) because Debbie's brother-in-law Rob works for Coke. He's 6'5".
Craig
Wanted: Panther Fight Video
Anybody know where I can find a video of a panther fight? My sister's dumb kids are staying with me this weekend (thanks a not, Becky) and since my batting cage is on the fritz, I need something to keep them busy while I do laps in the old above ground pool (mainly sidestroke).
Debbie thinks this will be good practice for when she finally lets me park in the garage instead of on the front lawn (wink, wink). But here’s what she doesn’t know: I’ve got an inkling that I’ve been sterile since Barn Brawl ’98 (don’t ask). Guess only Dr. Gibbons and the Norris twins know the true answer to that mystery.
Anywho, if you've seen a good panther fight video lately, give me a holler. Just don’t be a BJ about it and send me a link to some BS panther vs. lion fight. Any jerkweed knows a panther would totally crush some stupid lion in no time flat.
No contest.
Craig
Debbie thinks this will be good practice for when she finally lets me park in the garage instead of on the front lawn (wink, wink). But here’s what she doesn’t know: I’ve got an inkling that I’ve been sterile since Barn Brawl ’98 (don’t ask). Guess only Dr. Gibbons and the Norris twins know the true answer to that mystery.
Anywho, if you've seen a good panther fight video lately, give me a holler. Just don’t be a BJ about it and send me a link to some BS panther vs. lion fight. Any jerkweed knows a panther would totally crush some stupid lion in no time flat.
No contest.
Craig
My cobra is driving me nuts.
I own a cobra named Ray. My old workout partner, Scott, gave him to me when he moved to Stevens Pointe to be closer to Linda (huge mistake).
I keep Ray under my king-sized bed in a giant glass tank. I made the walls of the tank out of bulletproof glass. I hot glue gunned the corners so they are secure. The electric for the lamp is wired through my box spring (Serta).
This morning, after crushing out a few dozen laps (mostly front crawl) in my AGP (above ground pool), I remembered that it was time to feed Ray, so I sprinted inside and dropped a mouse in his cage. Right as Ray was about to inject his deadly venom into the mouse's neural cortex, it jumped up and bit him right on his friggin' eyeball. I put some Neosporin on the eye wound, but that only seemed to make Ray madder.
Anywho, looks like I'll be driving Ray down to the vet school in Columbus (free meds) in the old JC (Jeep Cherokee) this afternoon. Maybe they'll know how to keep him from acting like a total BJ. Yeah, right. Fat chance.
Craig
Check It Out: I’m Craig Norris
Hey Internet. My name is Craig Norris, and this is my blog. I’m a freelance production artist/pinball machine wholesaler from Chardon, Ohio, and as you probably already guessed, I’m Chuck’s younger half-brother (different dads). I drive a Jeep Cherokee Sport, own a cobra named Ray, and I work out all the time (weights + laps in my above ground pool – not that Total Gym BS). My girlfriend, Debbie, is a paralegal.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “How did a guy, who clearly has a ton of things to do (like Debbie…booya!), get into writing a blog?” Well guess what hotshot? Number one: don’t worry about it. And number two: I know people. So that right there should tell you that this blog is 100% legit.
Side note: Anyone know where I can get an iPhone on the cheap? It’s got this concrete calculator app, and I want to reinforce the foundation around my AGP (above ground pool) without calling Deb’s Uncle Rick for help (total red ass). Since the money I’m due from the class action suit (don’t ask) should be coming through soon, I’m in the market. So if you’ve got any promising leads give me a holler.
Anywho, take a peek at my blog whenever you have a few. And if you don’t like it, maybe I can interest you in a piping hot slice of knuckle pie with a side of your teeth/blood. J/K. Just don’t be a BJ about it, and we’ll be cool.
Craig
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “How did a guy, who clearly has a ton of things to do (like Debbie…booya!), get into writing a blog?” Well guess what hotshot? Number one: don’t worry about it. And number two: I know people. So that right there should tell you that this blog is 100% legit.
Side note: Anyone know where I can get an iPhone on the cheap? It’s got this concrete calculator app, and I want to reinforce the foundation around my AGP (above ground pool) without calling Deb’s Uncle Rick for help (total red ass). Since the money I’m due from the class action suit (don’t ask) should be coming through soon, I’m in the market. So if you’ve got any promising leads give me a holler.
Anywho, take a peek at my blog whenever you have a few. And if you don’t like it, maybe I can interest you in a piping hot slice of knuckle pie with a side of your teeth/blood. J/K. Just don’t be a BJ about it, and we’ll be cool.
Craig
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