I need a new Scott.

Anybody looking for a workout/sparring partner? As you may remember, I lost my old one when Scott’s girlfriend Linda faked a pregnancy (probably) to trick him into moving to Stevens Pointe.

What blows nards is, one: I was going to max out on lunges this week and Scott is a kick ass spotter, and two: Linda is pretty much a lady Hitler (total anti-semite).

Anywho, if you want to get wicked cut, give me a holler. My workouts are way intense and I get tons of FPA (Free PowerAde) because Debbie's brother-in-law Rob works for Coke. He's 6'5".

Craig

Wanted: Panther Fight Video

Anybody know where I can find a video of a panther fight? My sister's dumb kids are staying with me this weekend (thanks a not, Becky) and since my batting cage is on the fritz, I need something to keep them busy while I do laps in the old above ground pool (mainly sidestroke).

Debbie thinks this will be good practice for when she finally lets me park in the garage instead of on the front lawn (wink, wink). But here’s what she doesn’t know: I’ve got an inkling that I’ve been sterile since Barn Brawl ’98 (don’t ask). Guess only Dr. Gibbons and the Norris twins know the true answer to that mystery.

Anywho, if you've seen a good panther fight video lately, give me a holler. Just don’t be a BJ about it and send me a link to some BS panther vs. lion fight. Any jerkweed knows a panther would totally crush some stupid lion in no time flat.
No contest.

Craig

My cobra is driving me nuts.

I own a cobra named Ray. My old workout partner, Scott, gave him to me when he moved to Stevens Pointe to be closer to Linda (huge mistake).

I keep Ray under my king-sized bed in a giant glass tank. I made the walls of the tank out of bulletproof glass. I hot glue gunned the corners so they are secure. The electric for the lamp is wired through my box spring (Serta).

This morning, after crushing out a few dozen laps (mostly front crawl) in my AGP (above ground pool), I remembered that it was time to feed Ray, so I sprinted inside and dropped a mouse in his cage. Right as Ray was about to inject his deadly venom into the mouse's neural cortex, it jumped up and bit him right on his friggin' eyeball. I put some Neosporin on the eye wound, but that only seemed to make Ray madder.

Anywho, looks like I'll be driving Ray down to the vet school in Columbus (free meds) in the old JC (Jeep Cherokee) this afternoon. Maybe they'll know how to keep him from acting like a total BJ. Yeah, right. Fat chance.

Craig